In a rut

Well, I said in the beginning that I would try and update people about my journey through culture shock: well, they did tell me it was going to happen, so at least I was prepared for it.

I have, in the past couple weeks, entered the second stage of culture shock, what we call in French le réfus - it is basically the I-hate-everything-about-this phase. For me, it started when I started classes. I hate my classes. They are all lectures, for 3 hours. There is NO student-professor interaction. This is absolutely brain-numbing, and I hate it. It is exactly the style of class I tried to avoid when I decided to go to Dickinson. Then, to top it off, they are in French. I really feel like my French has not improved at all since I've been here - I mean, I get French during classes, eating dinner with my host family, and around the Dickinson Center, but other than that it's all English. When I'm with my Dickinson friends, we always speak English, even though it is so bad for us. I hate that this is our fourth week of classes and I haven't really made any French friends yet. I hate living so far away from everyone else and the centre-ville, even though my house is gorgeous. My host family is really nice, but I hate how I still feel awkward around them, and I only ever talk to them at dinner. I hate how no one in France cleans up after their dog and I always step in dog poop whenever I walk ANYWHERE. I hate how the French seem to stare at everything more than Americans seem to. I hate that even if I try to speak French, people can still hear that I'm American and automatically try to speak in English or make some snide remark about Americans. Here come some funny ones (at least it's good that I can look on the bright side and see the hilarity of my situation) : I hate shutters. Not the nice decorative ones that we have in the States. No, those are good. I mean real shutters. They are such a nuisance and I never want to close them ever because why would I want to close shutters? Then you get no light in. I hate the roofs here, they are soooooo ugly. You know, the little red half-circles that overlap each other. Disgusting. I want normal American roofs. And believe it or not, I hate not living on campus. I hate not being able to see at least one of my friends all the time. I hate being away from all of my friends. I hate being away from Dickinson in general. I hate that no one drinks water here (it's true, no one EVER drinks water. I don't know how they do it). I hate a lot of things right now, but I know that it will get better. I really think that once I start to make French friends, I will get past le réfus.

So at this point, as I've told a few people, I'm seriously debating whether or not I want to stay here for a full year. A year is a long time, especially since I do have a lot of friends who are seniors and who are going to be graduating this year. Everything is just hard right now. I'm having a good experience, I know, and I am having fun, but everything is just hard.